……. it was 8.30-ish in the morning, when I was sitting in front of the ICU, having a normal morning in our 91st day staying in this hospital.
The elevator opened and a doctor was rushing into the ICU from the back door. I noticed.. something must have happened.
A nurse suddenly opened the ICU front door and called out, “Keluarga Ibu Johana!” — Oh God, that’s my mother’s name.
My heart skipped a bit.
She doesn’t hold any prescription paper in her hand like normally when they need a family approval for meds prescribed.
“Ada apa suster?”
She did not answer the question.
“Silahkan mbak, langsung saja ke ruangan ibu.”
I started to shiver. I saw from where I stand, the doctor that was rushing out from the elevator is now rushing into my mother’s room in the ICU. My blood is rushing fast from guessing what was happening in her room.
The moment I have my sight into the room, it is filled with team of nurses & doctors in a state of emergency doing a CPR to her. They were pumping her heart very hard with their hands. They take turns in pumping her heart. I hear the sound of uninterrupted beeps from the monitor, the sound of a flatline. I saw the line that shows her heart-rate was straight. Flatline.
It is like what I would normally see in a movie scene, when someone’s heart has stopped.
I froze for some moment digesting what I was seeing and processing the brain what I should be doing.
I stepped in closer to her and reach her hand and head calling her out of desperation, “Mama.. Mama.. Ini Pungky Ma.. Bangun Ma..”
All I remember as I get closer to her I could see her face was pale as pale as one could be, her lips was bluish, and as I touched her head, it was clod. My mind wandered far for some seconds…. and then back to do my part calling her, waking her up, doing all what we can together with them: getting her pulse back.
Until about 3 minutes, the doctor said to do the next step: defibrillation.
He told us all to step backed, while he and the nurses prepared the machine with the 2 flat iron handle with high kilojoule electricity.
I stepped back and stood still froze by the wall. This is what I would see in a movie, but this is my mother. And this is real. He then lead the team with codes to get ready for the defibrillation. Then he slowly pointed the 2 flat iron to her chest.
It touched only barely to her chest skin, yet her body was lifted up some inches due to the electrocution.
“We got her pulse back.”
That was the most beautiful sentence I heard that morning.
Only to be followed by explanation that this could happen again with double probability after the 1st incident.
She was back, but now in a comma.
I sat by her… Holding her hand. A nurse came to put up her emergency medication, and whispered to me, “Mbak, duduk aja di samping oma dan bisikkan kata2 yg membuat dia tenang ya.. Berdoa ya mbak.”
Soon after that all family gathered up, all are praying. Each of us were saying what we want to say to her. Apology. Prayers for her. I kissed her feet. Deep in my heart I am getting my self ready to let her go. I let her know in her ears I am gonna be okay.
A couple hours after she needed to be cleaned up and we were all waiting outside. I took some moment to pray. I did a little negotiation with God in my prayer.
5pm…. the ICU is opened again for us to see her. That’s when a miracle happened.
She opened her eyes.
Even the nurses are saying to me, “Kita merinding mbak.. Oma kuat sekali. Ini muzizat..”
I know this is temporary. I know God is only buying us time.
Her doctors are saying they will have a meeting this coming Monday. To decide what next, as they all have been saying that what kept her staying now is only her natural body immune. All good antibiotics has failed. If her body immune falls down, then that is it. But I believe my mother’s greatest doctor is only one:
You, God.
Thank you for giving her a little bit more time.
And if I may ask only one more miracle:
Please God, release her from all her pain… In which ever way is best in Your Way. Here on earth, or up there in Heaven.
In the name of God…
The All Hearing.
The Exceedingly Beneficent.
The Exceedingly Gracious.
The Greatest.
❤️
Hello, i am paulina! 